Hello!
This post is inspired by a cognizance of a recovery of something I choose to at this moment call Psychic Knowing.
So. To have a context to understand where this comes from and where it perhaps may go, I have been on a pseudo-break from the usual occupation that kept me sapped in time and energy for the large part of every week. With time I sensed something amiss, essentially in my own capacity to be large hearted or large minded in dealing with moments of stress. Yes, stress became a large part of my life in every way possible and I did not realise that I was letting it remain. Somewhere I came to understand that I needed the time and space to distance myself a bit and have the energy to deal with things healthily. Burnout? I was on the way. Time for a Brake!
The urge for a break became too intense to be delayed or even managed and here I am at the other side of the stipulated period- I was asked many a times what was my plan next and all I said was for two months I shall do nothing. Innately I knew I had to let myself ease a bit so the daily habitual schedule of almost three and a half years could recede a bit so I may then find some space that I may call free that could naturally help me be able to connect with the unadulterated me or the universe (same thing?).
Exactly a day after the stipulated two months of so-assumed do-nothing period, which was the day before yesterday, I had a breakthrough (immense gratitude to the energies that be) which I call so, for the basic fact that I found myself able to connect in essence with select texts that I spontaneously picked in resonance with the highest sense of me that I at the moment seem to be consciously developing. Please note that I sense at this moment, that all these limitations of time and thoughts are a construct to be able to experience the magic of existence in this beautiful concoction of life on planet earth and also that I do not think I am confident yet of being ambitious beyond a safe limit.
So without further ado, let me share at least two clear moments of Psychic Knowing that I have had the experience of becoming cognizant of to start with.
One, a week ago, when a certain friend who had been suffering from suicidal thoughts left messages of goodbye and I freaked out thinking she was upto something but having no way to do anything I resigned myself to thoughts of helplessness. On the other hand, my inner self was very calm, I did not FEEL helpless or WORRISOME and if I had gone by that inner knowing I wouldn't even have had those thoughts. I remember even clearly remarking that internally I don't sense any unsettling foreboding. The same was proved within two days when she called up and in fact sounded very healthy and happy and went a step further to remind me that I needed to first take care of myself and learn to say no when I clearly cannot attend to something. This truly helped me so much and I almost daily send out a note of thanks to her and imagine myself writing to her of my daily improvement in this regard. I'm still just getting there so I will let it arise when it most naturally does! This knowing is something I precisely stopped having any sense of, with very little to no time spent on any kind of reflection or cognizance of my internal world- basically exactly what I found myself missing and lacking in increased degree.
Two, just yesterday, when I got a message requesting-summoning me to the office the next day. (I am minimally engaged still for reasons aplenty but in a measured way) I found the message very cryptic for lack of context and found myself getting into worrisome and indignant thoughts as to why and for what and went on to ask about the same and worrying until the response came an hour or two later. AGAIN, the internal me somewhere resounded cheerily that it must be related to the son but I was so harrowed out of habit- something I developed towards that space (out of my own lack of self-maintenance) that I could not come to really trust and accept it. Ofcourse, when the response came, the message was indeed as an invitation for the celebration of the birthday of the son! If I had been calmer and allowed myself to even consider the inner knowing, I would've easily seen and realised that it was his date of birth after all!
So I am seeing that essentially what I missed was THIS connection. With the daily jog of life, I had ended up becoming so absorbed in gross matters that seemed endless and tiring, that I simply found myself unable to access that source of inner knowing, the universe, the god, the magic, the joy, whatever you wish to call it; the lack of which in essence, rendered anything I did or any moment of my life meaningless- THIS surely was a knowing I witnessed for almost a year and a half as I watched myself falling gradually into the abyss and saw myself becoming less and less of me; but a slide that I cut at the moment beyond which I knew it would take much much more to recover- for I have been there before and have no intention or need of re-experiencing it. Well, I hope the next time around I am more cognizant of such tendencies and with lesser attachment to my own word, I can cap it more immediately.
I have just begun back on the path of trusting the universe in surrender with a measured amount of conscious action and I wish to mark this post as a sign of those sparks of reconnection. I find myself able to begin to get a grasp onto the thoughts I hold within me like a toddler that begins to learn to hold things and get a grip on them. Dexterity. Dexterity of the mind is a skill I wish to cultivate. I noted a very fleeting cognizance of how my participation in every moment was so crucial and how in my tire-ridden-sleep-infused-daily-existence, I had merely become a powerless spectator in the tiniest of moments which in turn generated feelings of helplessness and meaninglessness; that in not responding fully to any comment or thought directed at or around me, I was letting it remain and fester and cause damage; WHICH if I only acknowledged and addressed Aikido-style in that very moment, it would transform into something more nourishing and life-giving rather than life-sucking. Wow. Thank you, Universe and all the energies that be.
I must share that I have been also reading a book at a snail pace which again I found myself to deeply begin to connect with (and I have only just gone beyond the halfway mark by the way) since just day before yesterday, my so-alluded day of recovery! Therein I have been fortunate enough to find my fill of pointed answers to intermittent questions born of some or the other altercation with another. So allow me a moment of immense gratitude to the Autobiography Of A Yogi, by Paramhansa Yogananda and all the masters whose prowess and magnanimous deeds fill the pages of the book with notable mention of Sri Yukteshwar, Lahiri Mahasaya, Trailanga and without doubt the author self of Paramhansa Yogananda. A chapter at a time, I hope to imbibe the wisdom woven through the pages and internalise it for posterity, of course only with the blessings of the masters _/\_
In essence, I am in the process of allowing the clutter of gross thoughts to clear so I may tune back into the ever present messages and guidance of the universe that hold us all lovingly and patiently in every moment (*)
If this post resonates with you, I'd be glad to hear from you about your own ways to stay connected to the essence of life and all that nourishes you and helps you stay ever-awesome.
This post is inspired by a cognizance of a recovery of something I choose to at this moment call Psychic Knowing.
So. To have a context to understand where this comes from and where it perhaps may go, I have been on a pseudo-break from the usual occupation that kept me sapped in time and energy for the large part of every week. With time I sensed something amiss, essentially in my own capacity to be large hearted or large minded in dealing with moments of stress. Yes, stress became a large part of my life in every way possible and I did not realise that I was letting it remain. Somewhere I came to understand that I needed the time and space to distance myself a bit and have the energy to deal with things healthily. Burnout? I was on the way. Time for a Brake!
The urge for a break became too intense to be delayed or even managed and here I am at the other side of the stipulated period- I was asked many a times what was my plan next and all I said was for two months I shall do nothing. Innately I knew I had to let myself ease a bit so the daily habitual schedule of almost three and a half years could recede a bit so I may then find some space that I may call free that could naturally help me be able to connect with the unadulterated me or the universe (same thing?).
Exactly a day after the stipulated two months of so-assumed do-nothing period, which was the day before yesterday, I had a breakthrough (immense gratitude to the energies that be) which I call so, for the basic fact that I found myself able to connect in essence with select texts that I spontaneously picked in resonance with the highest sense of me that I at the moment seem to be consciously developing. Please note that I sense at this moment, that all these limitations of time and thoughts are a construct to be able to experience the magic of existence in this beautiful concoction of life on planet earth and also that I do not think I am confident yet of being ambitious beyond a safe limit.
So without further ado, let me share at least two clear moments of Psychic Knowing that I have had the experience of becoming cognizant of to start with.
One, a week ago, when a certain friend who had been suffering from suicidal thoughts left messages of goodbye and I freaked out thinking she was upto something but having no way to do anything I resigned myself to thoughts of helplessness. On the other hand, my inner self was very calm, I did not FEEL helpless or WORRISOME and if I had gone by that inner knowing I wouldn't even have had those thoughts. I remember even clearly remarking that internally I don't sense any unsettling foreboding. The same was proved within two days when she called up and in fact sounded very healthy and happy and went a step further to remind me that I needed to first take care of myself and learn to say no when I clearly cannot attend to something. This truly helped me so much and I almost daily send out a note of thanks to her and imagine myself writing to her of my daily improvement in this regard. I'm still just getting there so I will let it arise when it most naturally does! This knowing is something I precisely stopped having any sense of, with very little to no time spent on any kind of reflection or cognizance of my internal world- basically exactly what I found myself missing and lacking in increased degree.
Two, just yesterday, when I got a message requesting-summoning me to the office the next day. (I am minimally engaged still for reasons aplenty but in a measured way) I found the message very cryptic for lack of context and found myself getting into worrisome and indignant thoughts as to why and for what and went on to ask about the same and worrying until the response came an hour or two later. AGAIN, the internal me somewhere resounded cheerily that it must be related to the son but I was so harrowed out of habit- something I developed towards that space (out of my own lack of self-maintenance) that I could not come to really trust and accept it. Ofcourse, when the response came, the message was indeed as an invitation for the celebration of the birthday of the son! If I had been calmer and allowed myself to even consider the inner knowing, I would've easily seen and realised that it was his date of birth after all!
So I am seeing that essentially what I missed was THIS connection. With the daily jog of life, I had ended up becoming so absorbed in gross matters that seemed endless and tiring, that I simply found myself unable to access that source of inner knowing, the universe, the god, the magic, the joy, whatever you wish to call it; the lack of which in essence, rendered anything I did or any moment of my life meaningless- THIS surely was a knowing I witnessed for almost a year and a half as I watched myself falling gradually into the abyss and saw myself becoming less and less of me; but a slide that I cut at the moment beyond which I knew it would take much much more to recover- for I have been there before and have no intention or need of re-experiencing it. Well, I hope the next time around I am more cognizant of such tendencies and with lesser attachment to my own word, I can cap it more immediately.
I have just begun back on the path of trusting the universe in surrender with a measured amount of conscious action and I wish to mark this post as a sign of those sparks of reconnection. I find myself able to begin to get a grasp onto the thoughts I hold within me like a toddler that begins to learn to hold things and get a grip on them. Dexterity. Dexterity of the mind is a skill I wish to cultivate. I noted a very fleeting cognizance of how my participation in every moment was so crucial and how in my tire-ridden-sleep-infused-daily-existence, I had merely become a powerless spectator in the tiniest of moments which in turn generated feelings of helplessness and meaninglessness; that in not responding fully to any comment or thought directed at or around me, I was letting it remain and fester and cause damage; WHICH if I only acknowledged and addressed Aikido-style in that very moment, it would transform into something more nourishing and life-giving rather than life-sucking. Wow. Thank you, Universe and all the energies that be.
I must share that I have been also reading a book at a snail pace which again I found myself to deeply begin to connect with (and I have only just gone beyond the halfway mark by the way) since just day before yesterday, my so-alluded day of recovery! Therein I have been fortunate enough to find my fill of pointed answers to intermittent questions born of some or the other altercation with another. So allow me a moment of immense gratitude to the Autobiography Of A Yogi, by Paramhansa Yogananda and all the masters whose prowess and magnanimous deeds fill the pages of the book with notable mention of Sri Yukteshwar, Lahiri Mahasaya, Trailanga and without doubt the author self of Paramhansa Yogananda. A chapter at a time, I hope to imbibe the wisdom woven through the pages and internalise it for posterity, of course only with the blessings of the masters _/\_
In essence, I am in the process of allowing the clutter of gross thoughts to clear so I may tune back into the ever present messages and guidance of the universe that hold us all lovingly and patiently in every moment (*)
If this post resonates with you, I'd be glad to hear from you about your own ways to stay connected to the essence of life and all that nourishes you and helps you stay ever-awesome.
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