One day
Brenda came to me expressing her frustration with her daily life. She said, “Dada,
I never have any time to myself. I can never sit quietly and meditate or do any
of the things that you talk about. I just have so much to do here, with the
ranch and garden, our business and the guests. Then I get tired, and Larry and
I argue about what are the important things. Our relationship is suffering,
quite a lot at times. I don’t know what to do.”
After
listening to her, I felt sad about her situation because I knew her sincere
urge for spiritual unfoldment. We discussed this issue by sitting together
quietly on several occasions. Unfortunately this is what is happening
everywhere with many sincere individuals. I have seen this pattern in countless
families and with numerous seekers. They have an idea of what spiritual search
is, make a plan, then try to meditate for an hour per day at least, do some
yogic postures, eat organic food, etc. Thus begins and ends their day, mostly
every day. It goes on and on this way to the end of life.
The modern
seeker, so occupied with work, immersed in family, busy with projects and
activities, finds it very difficult to save time to be totally with himself. He
practically abhors being physically alone, and psychologically also he refuses
to look inward, even for a short time. People are constantly occupied with
their pursuits, doing numerous things. This busy-ness has become a very strong
habit pattern, which continues from morning to evening. They refuse to
entertain even the idea of some time solely for themselves. People come to
think of this pattern as the normal way of living, and then teach it to their
children by example. This routine of busy-ness becomes all there is to living.
When we
begin to talk about aloneness, whether physical or psychological, most people
become nervous. They think that aloneness is a negative state. However, the
negation of busy-ness – the constant activity of the mind and body – is not the
end of life. Aloneness is not a state of withdrawal. Rather it is the ability
to remain free from the influences and pressures of our surroundings. Then, one
can experience an intimate relationship with oneself, a contact with one’s own
internal energy field. Such a living is a sensitive and creative existence –
the life of an uncontaminated being.
The
capacity to be alone allows the flowering of a deeper inner confidence, balance
and security. The tendency of clinging to people and to material objects is an
indication of insecurity. Aloneness – the state of psychological solitude – is a
catalyst to develop one’s own inner potential. The creative capacity of man
lies in his innerness. Only in aloneness can one remain in touch with the inner
flow of Life energy, which is the creative element. But we have built life
solely around external relationships, with their stimulations and excitements.
There is hardly any freedom or space to invite creative action from the depth
of one’s inner being. We rarely make contact with our inner being, with our
center, the source.
Is not one’s
own silent innerness an integral part of life? Do we even know anything at all
about this part of us? Yet isn’t it actually the most important aspect of
ourselves? Then why do we neglect it? Why do we refuse to even acknowledge our
silent intrinsic existence?
Man carries
a creative talent deep down in himself, but he has not recognised this fact
fully. Only when he remains still and stops his ceaseless outgoing wanderings
in the form of thoughts, emotions and pursuits, will he be able to gather his
scattered energy to find balance and centeredness.
Aloneness
is the state necessary to enter into this region of inner being. Only by coming
in touch with your innerness can you discover this hidden potential, the
intense sensitivity. This is fertile ground for the sprouting of creativity.
Such a fertile unit of total-ness brings unique freedom and freshness to living.
It also brings stability, peace and fullness. Every individual has to find this
quality of fullness and stability, which comes into being only when he is in
contact with his inner domain.
Such a
natural, stable balance within himself is a state of psychological solitude.
Only in such aloneness can man find his own inner touch. Herein he experiences
what his own being is, his own uncontaminated existence, the life force
uniquely his. He begins to feel some traces of a quiet energy below the usual
agitated mind. He experiences a different quality of energy, feeling very much
at ease and at peace with himself.
Without
psychological solitude, man will never find the space to get in touch with the
silent, non-thinking, non-verbal innerness. Aloneness is the gate to move
deeper within oneself. It is the state in which to find the touch of one’s own
uncharted existence.
Aloneness
also means freedom from the environmental influences, the constant compulsions
of living, and from all society’s conditioning. Such influences of the
surroundings pollute our stream of Life energy, Anger, hate, violence and greed
are all manifesting themselves around us. We are living in a commercial culture
wherein greed and ambition are glorified. Such interactions of all human minds
generate psychological and emotional contamination in the space around us. How
can one remain uninfluenced by such strong contagious contaminants?
These
psychological tendencies create their own field of magnetic influence because
they are also living energies. Every thought and emotion creates its own thrust
in space, affecting the life around. Like noise pollution, these
mental/emotional activities generate their own contaminants, which then
influence us in their own way. We may not be able to see or measure easily the
degree of harm, but the psychological pollutants are there, affecting us, the
society and the world.
Is it not
necessary to be free from all such pollutants? The seen as well as the unseen?
The psychological as well as the environmental?
Freedom
from all influences – social, cultural, emotional and environmental, to name a
few – is the state of psychological solitude. The sensitive and creative person
eventually senses the emptiness of our usual living. Instead, he feels an urge
to find fulfilment in relation with himself. There is this innate yearning, a
silent non-ideational longing to be alone with one’s self, with one’s inner
domain. It sometimes becomes strong and pulls him back into himself, leaving
him psychologically alone and inward.
Through
observation and with understanding, I saw that everyone’s mind is formed
differently, not only with its hereditary, genetic predisposition, but also the
socio-cultural conditioning, habits, preferences and conclusions heaped on top
of them. In any contact between people these ingrained, conditioned structures
called minds are trying to mesh, to get along, to know each other. But we see
each other as if from behind a heavy screen or veil. Therefore it is virtually
impossible to relate with total openness, to establish a harmonious
relationship, even with the nearest and dearest people around. The perception
of this fact pushed me back upon myself, wondering about the nature of all
interpersonal relations.
Seeing this
inability of communication and the inherent difficulty of harmonious
relationships made me sad and thoughtful. I realised that one cannot really know
or help the other, although the mind tries to do it. Our help many times
becomes a hindrance. We may have an idea of what the other needs or wants, but
it may be our subjective idea only. So we have our constant compromises, hurts,
adjustments and amendments, and this becomes our way of living.
Many
grown-up people find it difficult to establish a right relationship with people
of their own age group. Then they get carried away by the thought of loving
pets instead. There is not much real love involved in their behaviour, but
sentimental and emotional attachment is predominant, more like a one-sided love
affair. It is easier for a mind to love a cat or dog than to love people.
Therefore such indulgence and escapist behaviour becomes convenient especially
for adults.
The mind
mechanism can only work very superficially on an external level. Man finds many
things to do in order to indulge this limited and superficial functional
ability. Constant activity is very easy and becomes a convenient way to avoid
that solitary feeling.
It is difficult
for man to face himself, his aloneness, which is the reality of life. Every
human being is born and enters this world alone. At the time of death, he even
leaves the world alone. Between birth and death, he constantly fills up his
aloneness with some mundane superficial activities, calling them pleasure,
love, social work or whatever. That is how he begins to think that he is
created for helping and loving others all the time. This is only a pattern
developed over centuries, in response to the mind’s search for convenient,
socially acceptable activities and escapes.
Man is not
born for romantic love and sentimental attachments alone. But now he has made
it the central issue of his life. His everyday concern is to fulfil the
emotional attachments to his wife, children, family and society. His whole
activity is concerned with glorifying his emotional reactions and protecting
this sentimentality towards the near and dear ones. Man is most of the time
obsessed with his family and with having people around. Sentimentality and
emotionality are nothing but the mind finding its security through attachment.
Men of
genius, those with great intuitive capacity and creative ability, did not
indulge much in family associations and involvement with friends and relatives.
They were not like lovebirds hovering around their wives, children and friends.
Their energies and sensitivities were not scattered wholesale in family
entertainments and social excitements.
To discover
one’s intuitive capacity and to reach the peak of creativity, one has to remain
free from mundane and superficial emotional involvement. Such strong
attachments toward near relatives, cats and dogs erode and consume the
sensitivity and energy. The energy gets scattered, and one is prevented from
peak performance. The arousal of one’s intuitive expression from within is the
function of sensitivity, and this happens in the unattached state of aloneness
and inwardness.
The purpose
of human life is not to be busy with the sentimental activities of so-called
love, which is mostly just attachment. Rather it is to discover the hidden, intrinsic
state, which will bring balance, peace and fullness. The dormant, non-thought,
non-verbal energy of the inner sanctuary is going to bring a new touch to the
mental apparatus, which will result in the experience of true love and
intelligence.
That touch
of the benevolent energy will heal the person from inside out, inviting the
inner experience of deep contentment and fulfilment. This will lift up and take
man beyond the borders of intellect. The intuitive domain will emerge, and
non-conceptual thinking shall become the way of living.
Thinking
without thought and feeling without emotion will be the new order of
relationship. One needs this touch of new excellence, which lies beyond the
barriers of emotionality and mundane love.
To
experience this new excellence, our constant occupation and busy-ness must slow
down to create an interval or gap, which is psychological solitude. In the
inwardness of aloneness lies the ethereal gate to go beyond the
thought-infested mind.
Then we
will experience what the spirit of universality is. We will receive the cosmic
touch, which keeps us free from narrowness and self-centeredness. Only with
that touch will we realise what real love, affection and caring are. Impersonal
intelligence will establish a new order of relationship and will lend a touch
of humility and compassion, even to our personal relationships. The limited and
exclusive nature of human sentiment and attachment will flower into
all-embracing Love.
- --Dada
Gavand, an excerpt from ‘Intelligence Beyond Thought’.
